Managing Anger and Choosing Forgiveness
How should we handle anger and forgive others?
Learn the Prophet's practical teaching on anger, the Qur'an's praise for those who restrain it and pardon others, and how forgiveness can coexist with justice.
Why it matters
Anger is a normal human emotion. It can alert us to real injustice. But words spoken and actions taken in anger can damage relationships in seconds that took years to build.
Islamic teaching does not ask people to feel no anger. It asks them to master it, and it holds out forgiveness as a high and freeing choice.
The teaching
Strength redefined
The Prophet said: 'The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger' (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114).
In a culture that admired physical power, this reframed strength as an inner achievement. It remains a challenge today, when quick, sharp replies online are often rewarded.
Short advice, repeated
A man asked the Prophet for advice. He replied: 'Do not become angry and furious.' The man asked again and again, and received the same answer each time (Sahih al-Bukhari 6116).
Scholars explain that this does not forbid feeling anger. It means avoiding what provokes needless anger, and not acting on anger when it arises.
Restrain, pardon, do good
Qur'an 3:134 describes the righteous as those 'who restrain anger and who pardon the people', adding that 'Allah loves the doers of good'. Many commentators see a progression: first holding anger in, then letting go of the grievance, then responding with active goodness.
Qur'an 41:34 goes further: 'Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better', so that an enemy may become 'as though he was a devoted friend'.
Forgiveness and justice
Qur'an 42:40 states that a wrong may be answered by an equivalent response, but 'whoever pardons and makes reconciliation, his reward is [due] from Allah'. Seeking fairness is permitted; forgiving is praised.
Forgiveness is therefore a choice, not an obligation to accept continuing harm. Someone can forgive a past wrong while still setting boundaries, seeking help, or pursuing justice where it is needed.
From the Qur'an
Each passage shows the Arabic text, an attributed English translation, and our explanatory note, kept visually separate.
Arabic text
ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡكَٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ134
Translation · Saheeh International
134Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good
Explanatory note (our words, not part of the Qur'an)
Restraining anger, pardoning people and doing good are presented as qualities God loves.
Arabic text
وَلَا تَسۡتَوِي ٱلۡحَسَنَةُ وَلَا ٱلسَّيِّئَةُۚ ٱدۡفَعۡ بِٱلَّتِي هِيَ أَحۡسَنُ فَإِذَا ٱلَّذِي بَيۡنَكَ وَبَيۡنَهُۥ عَدَٰوَةٞ كَأَنَّهُۥ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٞ34
Translation · Saheeh International
34And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend
Explanatory note (our words, not part of the Qur'an)
Responding to harm with something better can transform enmity into friendship.
Arabic text
وَجَزَـٰٓؤُاْ سَيِّئَةٖ سَيِّئَةٞ مِّثۡلُهَاۖ فَمَنۡ عَفَا وَأَصۡلَحَ فَأَجۡرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَا يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ40
Translation · Saheeh International
40And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers
Explanatory note (our words, not part of the Qur'an)
Proportionate response is permitted, but pardon and reconciliation are rewarded by God.
From the hadith
Hadith are reports of the Prophet Muhammad's words and actions. Each one below shows its collection, reference number and grading, with the authority that graded it.
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger."
Why it matters here
True strength is self-control in anger.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 6114 (Book 78, Hadith 141)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Narrated Abu Huraira:
A man said to the Prophet (ﷺ) , "Advise me! "The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet (ﷺ) said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."
Why it matters here
Simple, repeated advice: avoid anger.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 6116 (Book 78, Hadith 143)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Narrated AbuDharr:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.
Why it matters here
A practical technique: change your physical position to let anger subside.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sunan Abi Dawud, no. 4782 (Book 43, Hadith 10)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Muhyi al-Din 'Abd al-Hamid numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Al-Albani
- Translation
- English translation as published on sunnah.com
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Narrated `Aisha:
Whenever Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) was given the choice of one of two matters, he would choose the easier of the two, as long as it was not sinful to do so, but if it was sinful to do so, he would not approach it. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) never took revenge (over anybody) for his own sake but (he did) only when Allah's Legal Bindings were outraged in which case he would take revenge for Allah's Sake.
Why it matters here
The Prophet did not take revenge for personal slights.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 3560 (Book 61, Hadith 69)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:
Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another except that Allah increases his honor, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises his status.
Why it matters here
Forgiving others increases a person's honour; it does not diminish it.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih Muslim, no. 2588 (Book 45, Hadith 90)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih Muslim, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Abdul Hamid Siddiqui (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
'A'isha, the wife of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
'A'isha, verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and confers upon kindness which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness).
Why it matters here
Gentleness is loved by God and brings good that harshness cannot.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih Muslim, no. 2593 (Book 45, Hadith 99)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih Muslim, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Abdul Hamid Siddiqui (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Context and key terms
Arabic terms in this lesson (4)
Hilm
حلم
Forbearance; calm self-control
The ability to stay composed and gentle when provoked, choosing a measured response over an angry one.
'Afw
عفو
Pardon; forgiveness
Letting go of a right to retaliate. The Qur'an praises those who restrain anger and pardon others.
Ihsan
إحسان
Excellence; doing good beautifully
Going beyond the minimum: doing things well, with care and kindness, as though conscious that God sees you.
Rahmah
رحمة
Mercy; compassion
Compassion that seeks the good of others. Two names of God at the opening of the Qur'an, ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim, come from the same root.
Anger at injustice
Sahih al-Bukhari 3560 notes that the Prophet did not take revenge for himself, but acted when God's limits were violated. Islamic teaching distinguishes personal ego-driven anger from principled concern about wrongdoing, which should still be expressed with self-control and through proper means.
Why this lesson does not cite the 'ablution for anger' narration
A narration advising ablution (wudu) when angry is often quoted, but it is recorded in Sunan Abi Dawud (4784) with the grade da'if (weak) by al-Albani. Because its attribution to the Prophet is not established, we do not present it as evidence. The advice to sit down (Sunan Abi Dawud 4782) is graded sahih by al-Albani.
Forgiveness and safety
Teachings on forgiveness must never be used to pressure someone into staying in an abusive situation or staying silent about harm. If you or someone you know is unsafe, contact local emergency or support services.
Everyday example
Illustrative story (fictional)
The message Leila didn't send
Leila's brother-in-law posted a comment in the family group chat mocking her cooking at a gathering. Several people reacted with laughing emojis. Leila typed a sharp reply listing his faults.
Before sending it, she put her phone down, sat down with a cup of tea and waited an hour. Later she messaged him privately: 'That comment hurt. I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that again.' He apologised. The family chat never became a battlefield.
Pausing does not mean pretending nothing happened. It creates room to respond in a way you will not regret.
Activity
Scenario challenge
Cut off in traffic
A driver cuts dangerously in front of you, then gestures rudely as if it were your fault. Your passenger, a young relative, is watching to see how you react.
What would you do?
Knowledge check
Answer each question to see an explanation. You can retry as many times as you like; nothing is graded.
Reflection
Try it in practice
Pause, change position, choose
- 1When you feel anger rising, stop speaking for a moment.
- 2Change your position, as the Prophet advised: if you are standing, sit down (Sunan Abi Dawud 4782).
- 3Choose your response once you are calmer, and ask whether it repairs or damages the relationship.
This is also available as an optional daily practice: Pause before reacting.
Sources and further reading
Primary sources cited
- Qur'an 3:134 (Surah Ali 'Imran). Arabic: King Fahd Complex Uthmani text; translation: Saheeh International.
- Qur'an 41:34 (Surah Fussilat). Arabic: King Fahd Complex Uthmani text; translation: Saheeh International.
- Qur'an 42:40 (Surah Ash-Shuraa). Arabic: King Fahd Complex Uthmani text; translation: Saheeh International.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 6114, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih al-Bukhari 6116, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sunan Abi Dawud 4782, graded Sahih (Al-Albani). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih al-Bukhari 3560, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih Muslim 2588, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih Muslim 2593, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
Further reading
- Sahih al-Bukhari 6114 and 6116 (opens in a new tab) · Sunnah.com
Two short hadith on anger.
- Qur'an 41:34 in context (opens in a new tab) · Quran.com
Responding to harm with what is better.
This lesson is educational and is not a fatwa (religious ruling). For personal religious questions, please consult a qualified scholar you trust. How we source and review lessons.
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