Respect for Parents and Care for Family
What does Islam teach about parents and family ties?
Learn why the Qur'an places kindness to parents next to the worship of God, why mothers are given special honour, and how to keep family ties with patience, including when relationships are difficult.
Why it matters
Few relationships shape us as much as those with our parents and families, and few can be as complicated. Love, gratitude, frustration and obligation often sit side by side.
The Qur'an speaks about parents with striking tenderness. This lesson explores what it asks, and what it does not ask, of sons and daughters.
The teaching
Next to the worship of God
'Your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment' (17:23). Kindness to parents is placed immediately after the worship of God, here and in several other verses.
The same passage is remarkably specific: when parents reach old age, do not even say 'uff' (a sound of irritation) to them, do not repel them, speak to them 'a noble word', and lower to them 'the wing of humility out of mercy', praying: 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small' (17:23–24).
Your mother, your mother, your mother
A man asked the Prophet who most deserved his good companionship. The Prophet answered 'Your mother' three times, and then 'Your father' (Sahih al-Bukhari 5971).
The Qur'an explains part of the reason: 'His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness' (31:14), and 'carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship' (46:15). Gratitude to parents is joined to gratitude to God: 'Be grateful to Me and to your parents' (31:14).
Kindness without blind obedience
The Qur'an sets a clear limit. If parents strive to make a person associate partners with God, 'do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness' (31:15). Disagreement, even on faith, does not cancel the duty of kindness.
When her mother, who was a pagan, came to visit, Asma' bint Abi Bakr asked the Prophet whether she should keep good relations with her. He replied: 'Yes, keep good relation with her' (Sahih al-Bukhari 2620).
Keeping family ties
Undutifulness to parents is listed among the greatest sins (Sahih al-Bukhari 5976). Positively, the Prophet said that whoever wishes for more provision and a longer life should keep good relations with their relatives (Sahih al-Bukhari 5986).
Keeping ties (silat al-rahim) can be as simple as a regular phone call, remembering birthdays, or helping a relative with paperwork.
From the Qur'an
Each passage shows the Arabic text, an attributed English translation, and our explanatory note, kept visually separate.
Arabic text
۞وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّٖ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلٗا كَرِيمٗا23 وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرٗا24
Translation · Saheeh International
23And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word
24And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small
Explanatory note (our words, not part of the Qur'an)
Detailed guidance on caring for parents in old age: patience, respectful speech, humility and prayer for them.
Arabic text
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهۡنًا عَلَىٰ وَهۡنٖ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِي عَامَيۡنِ أَنِ ٱشۡكُرۡ لِي وَلِوَٰلِدَيۡكَ إِلَيَّ ٱلۡمَصِيرُ14 وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمٞ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَاۖ وَصَاحِبۡهُمَا فِي ٱلدُّنۡيَا مَعۡرُوفٗاۖ وَٱتَّبِعۡ سَبِيلَ مَنۡ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ15
Translation · Saheeh International
14And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination
15But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do
Explanatory note (our words, not part of the Qur'an)
Gratitude to parents is joined to gratitude to God; kindness continues even when parents and children disagree about faith.
Arabic text
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۖ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ كُرۡهٗا وَوَضَعَتۡهُ كُرۡهٗاۖ وَحَمۡلُهُۥ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ ثَلَٰثُونَ شَهۡرًاۚ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُۥ وَبَلَغَ أَرۡبَعِينَ سَنَةٗ قَالَ رَبِّ أَوۡزِعۡنِيٓ أَنۡ أَشۡكُرَ نِعۡمَتَكَ ٱلَّتِيٓ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَيَّ وَأَنۡ أَعۡمَلَ صَٰلِحٗا تَرۡضَىٰهُ وَأَصۡلِحۡ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِيٓۖ إِنِّي تُبۡتُ إِلَيۡكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ ٱلۡمُسۡلِمِينَ15
Translation · Saheeh International
15And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims
Explanatory note (our words, not part of the Qur'an)
The hardship of pregnancy and birth is acknowledged, followed by a prayer for gratitude and righteous children.
From the hadith
Hadith are reports of the Prophet Muhammad's words and actions. Each one below shows its collection, reference number and grading, with the authority that graded it.
Narrated Abu Huraira:
A man came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) ! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your father. "
Why it matters here
The mother is named three times before the father.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 5971 (Book 78, Hadith 2)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Narrated Abu Bakra:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said thrice, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?" We said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) " He said, "To join partners in worship with Allah: to be undutiful to one's parents." The Prophet (ﷺ) sat up after he had been reclining and added, "And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness." The Prophet (ﷺ) kept on saying that warning till we thought that he would not stop.
Why it matters here
Undutifulness to parents is among the greatest sins.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 5976 (Book 78, Hadith 7)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah 's Messenger said, "Whoever loves that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin."
Why it matters here
Keeping family ties brings blessing.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 5986 (Book 78, Hadith 17)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
Narrated Asma' bint Abu Bakr:
My mother came to me during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and she was a pagan. I said to Allah's Messenger (seeking his verdict), "My mother has come to me and she desires to receive a reward from me, shall I keep good relations with her?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Yes, keep good relation with her. "
Why it matters here
Kindness to a parent of a different faith.
Source, grading and translation details
- Collection
- Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 2620 (Book 51, Hadith 52)
- Numbering
- Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi numbering, as used on sunnah.com
- Grade
- Sahih: Included in Sahih al-Bukhari, a collection accepted as authentic (sahih) by Sunni hadith scholarship
- Translation
- Muhammad Muhsin Khan (English translation as published on sunnah.com)
- Checked
- sunnah.com English dataset (offline copy in the `hadith` npm package v1.3.0): wording, number, in-book reference and grade, on 2026-10-09
- Editorial note
- Words in brackets were added by the translator. This narration describes the same event as Sahih al-Bukhari 5978.
Context and key terms
Arabic terms in this lesson (4)
Ihsan
إحسان
Excellence; doing good beautifully
Going beyond the minimum: doing things well, with care and kindness, as though conscious that God sees you.
Rahmah
رحمة
Mercy; compassion
Compassion that seeks the good of others. Two names of God at the opening of the Qur'an, ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim, come from the same root.
Shukr
شكر
Gratitude
Thankfulness shown in the heart (recognising a blessing), on the tongue (acknowledging it) and in action (using it well).
Silat al-rahim
صلة الرحم
Keeping ties of kinship
Maintaining good relations with relatives through contact, kindness and support. The word rahim (womb, kinship) shares its root with rahmah (mercy).
When family relationships involve harm
Teachings on honouring parents and keeping family ties do not require anyone to accept abuse or to put themselves in danger. Islamic teaching also forbids harm and injustice. Someone in a harmful family situation may keep a safe distance, maintain minimal contact, and seek help from trusted people or professional services. Complex family situations are best discussed with a qualified scholar and appropriate support services.
Cultural expectations and Islamic teaching
Families often have customs about marriage, careers or living arrangements. Some reflect Islamic values; others are cultural preferences. Kindness and respect are required, but not every family expectation is a religious obligation.
Everyday example
Illustrative story (fictional)
Yasmin's Sunday calls
Yasmin moved abroad for work. Her father, now elderly, repeats the same questions on every call, and she sometimes catches herself sighing impatiently.
After reading 17:23, she set a weekly time to call when she was not rushed, wrote down his favourite stories to ask about, and taught him to send voice messages. The calls became the highlight of his week, and, she admits, of hers.
Honouring parents often means patience in small, repeated moments.
Activity
Scenario challenge
A difficult conversation
Your parents strongly prefer that you study a subject you have no interest in. You want to pursue a different, equally respectable career. The disagreement is becoming tense.
What would you do?
Knowledge check
Answer each question to see an explanation. You can retry as many times as you like; nothing is graded.
Reflection
Try it in practice
Strengthen one family tie
- 1Contact one parent or relative this week, without needing a reason.
- 2Ask them a question about their life and listen fully.
- 3Make a short prayer for them, such as 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small' (17:24).
This is also available as an optional daily practice: Help someone.
Sources and further reading
Primary sources cited
- Qur'an 17:23–24 (Surah Al-Isra). Arabic: King Fahd Complex Uthmani text; translation: Saheeh International.
- Qur'an 31:14–15 (Surah Luqman). Arabic: King Fahd Complex Uthmani text; translation: Saheeh International.
- Qur'an 46:15 (Surah Al-Ahqaf). Arabic: King Fahd Complex Uthmani text; translation: Saheeh International.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5971, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5976, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5986, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
- Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, graded Sahih (Sahih collection). Sunnah.com (opens in a new tab)
Further reading
- Qur'an 17:23–24 in context (opens in a new tab) · Quran.com
Read with several translations and tafsir.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5971 (opens in a new tab) · Sunnah.com
Who most deserves good companionship.
This lesson is educational and is not a fatwa (religious ruling). For personal religious questions, please consult a qualified scholar you trust. How we source and review lessons.
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